On Jholawallas (and similar creatures)

I might be repeating this point, and I am not sure about it, since I hardly read this blog myself. However, since we had another of those NGO types forced upon us this evening, I had to write this. I'll keep it short and simple. JKR, through her character Arthur Weasley, once said - "Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain." Ostensibly, these jholawalla 'do gooders' are in it for 'the betterment of mankind'. All I can say, given the multitudes of these types in our times, is that either we are living in the most saintly of ages - where we can see all these angels walking the earth, or these people's real objectives are really unmentionable. At least the for profit firms are making an honest day's living. Just think.

On 'Being a Man'

This is a short and simple one. The society places a lot of value on facing your ordeal 'like a man.' We had that movie - where the protagonists were lauded as they went laughing to the gallows - one of the most memorable lines of the movie was - "Then I met the third kind..." At the time of writing, there are many luminaries who say that if you submit cheerfully to all the trails and tribulations, you become a 'master', and if you do it under duress, you are a slave. Well, I have a simple question - If someone is out there to rape you, and you submit to it without resistance, does it become consensual? Just think, when you laud the 'third kind' the next time.

On Revenge

I may have lied in one of my previous posts. I do not remember all the times I've been wronged simply to avoid wronging someone else in a similar manner. I've always dreamt that I would, someday, be in the position to, umm, payback, with interest. Now, sages have always told that no good comes out of revenge - nursing the thoughts of revenge has been compared to 'holding a glowing ember in one's hands, in order to throw it at someone else'. I disagree. It was during my schooldays that I, after much saving, was able to buy my copy of 'the Count of Monte Cristo'. It was not the full version - it was an abridged, children’s version, meant for being read over a day or two, at the pace expected of a child. I devoured the book in four hours. This was on a Diwali night (that's why we had a chance to go to the town), and I had foregone the sweets for the purchase, and I gave away my firecrackers, as I was too much engrossed in the book. It was one of the best Diwali's of my life. For here was a book that gave meaning to the life of some of the most downtrodden people on Earth - The OG 'chicks'. I can never put the book on the stock 'my favourites' lists, simply because I've not read the real book - I tried it recently, but the sheer volume of it deterred me. However, even the abridged version told us an inspiring story of an innocent man, with his innocent ways, made to suffer at the hands of few persons, each having his own reasons for doing so. Ultimately, the man in question gets rich and powerful, and has the three persons at his mercy, before having his revenge. The literary critics may differ, but I felt that the Count really enjoyed the whole process of exacting revenge, and the book celebrated the whole idea of it. No questions of keeping the wounds green or similar wishy washy stuff.

Revenge, in its purest form, is a thing to be enjoyed. As I see it, all the wrongs that you have endured are sort of credits you have on your 'deed account' - like any credit on your account, the creation had to be painful, or in other words, involving reduction in utility. However, the credits gained are not painful. To get the credit in bank account, you have to part with your cash. However, when you look at your bank statement, you see your bank balance, and do not mourn the loss of cash you had to endure to get that balance. Then why do we have to be so distrustful of nursing a revenge motive? Similar to the cash / bank example, when you are wronged, you earn this moral, mental right to exact revenge. This is a credit, and like all credits, it is an asset. To enjoy this asset, you need to savour revenge. It is not so weird an idea. If you have no liking or use for money, all the credit in your bank account is of no use. Similarly, if you do not like the exacting revenge, the credits in your deeds account are of no use to you. So, for an appreciable increase in your 'net worth', develop a taste of revenge, or at least, fantasizing about revenge. Go and get your copy of the abridged 'Count of Monte Cristo' now.

There is a thing about nursing the grievances. It is all right to have a 'deed account', you might say, but the problem is, we are mostly helpless in exacting revenge, as people more ‘powerful’ than us mostly wrong us. We are not in a position to spend the credits we earn when we are wronged - in accounting parlance, we have a surfeit of Non Performing Assets (NPAs) on our deed account. However, the financial world has shown us that with careful planning and lot of perseverance, most NPAs can become productive. Surely you might be too small, too insignificant, and too feeble right now - but then, there is a whole lot of possibility of future growth. The only thing true about the pinnacle is that there is only one way from there, downwards. That s.o.b. boss you hate would retire someday, while you would still be in prime of your working life. Again, there is also the scope for future growth. The schoolyard bullies will, in all probability (considering the general IQ of bullies and the bullied) be working at a much lower level of socio-economic pyramid. There is a probability that you would meet them someday. The only thing required of you is to be prepared to exact your revenge - be more powerful than them in this second coming. To realise your current NPAs, one has to remember to strive hard for excellence, to reach at some station while the boss you hate retires and the bully you hate turns to delivering pizza or vending shoes. Thus, the very act of keeping an eye on your earned deed credit and having a desire to realise it is a big motivator propelling you towards excellence. Remember, Edmond had to strive a lot even after he was given a map to the treasure on Monte Cristo. Had the desire for revenge not been there, he would not have become a Count, and would have remained a mere seafaring smuggler.

So, I hope this piece brings some joy into the life of the people whose life is being made miserable by some other person, wilfully. Always remember, a credit earned by you is a debit raised against the offender. Always remember to exact the revenge from this very debtor, and not from 'his kind'. Remember the way of the Count. Happy accounting.

On Christmas

Of all the festivals in the packed Indian calendar, Christmas occupies a somewhat special place in my mind. I mean, I like Diwali - that's usually when one can be at home for long stretches and meet family, and I despise Holi - no offense meant to Bhakt Prahalad, but I just don't do colours and hooliganism, I have started liking Chhath since the whole issue of Heartland sub nationalism has grown up, and other religious holidays for me are simply that only, i.e. holidays. The national holidays, the way we celebrate them in our country, remain, sadly, official occasions only. So, in a land which has around 20 Gazetted Holidays, 40 Restricted Holidays and 5000 years of culture and civilization, I am stuck up on a festival which originated outside of India. I have never fully understood why. The right wing will term me as a westernized RNI (that's resident non-Indian), but I know that is not true. Let me clarify that my own Christmas is not the "canonical Christmas", but the "Santa Claus Christmas". This Christmas has been despised by almost all 'religious' people. The really devout amongst the Christians find it as gross commercialization and trivialization. Closer home, it is seen as the evil effect of 'Westernization'. Yet, this ostensibly unwanted 'commercialized' festival has been spreading across the globe, even into the atheist China despite all the odds. Why? While for others, there might be various reasons, I feel for me, it is a festival that matches me.

I am a winter person. I love almost everything about winters - except, may be, for delayed trains. I mean winter, warts and all - not the bright sunshine alone. I love the cold waves, I love the hail, and the occasional snow. So any festival whose main motifs are associated with the celebration of winter is always going to be good for me. Frosty the snowman, Santa's sleigh, reindeer, conifers - it is all perfect mix of the whole winter deal. Closer home, anything remotely close to a winter festival is Diwali / Chhath - but again, that is hardly related with winter except for the fact that it heralds it. We have festivals that sort of celebrate the ending of winter, in various phases - like the Makar Sankranti, Basant Panchami etc. The only festival that sounds anything like being related to winters is Sharad Poornima, but then, I've never seen it's popular celebration to judge whether it suits my taste or not.

Secondly, in my opinion, it is a festival meant for largely quiet and placid enjoyment. Both 'quiet and placid' and 'enjoyment' are important qualifiers here. As a culture, we lack quiet enjoyment - it is reflected in all facets of our cultural expression - our folklore, our dances, our festivals and our Bollywood. All our enjoyment is supposed to be loud - the Bhangra, the Holi and the Munni Badnaam Hui's. Quiet is meant to be dull, didactic. Our quieter festivals are much more about fasting, staying all chaste and pure and praying devoutly. In fact, much of our life is not meant for enjoyment - even our kiddie books are loaded with 'shikshaa', which is forced down one's gullet with a ram - remember those stories in magazines like Champak and Chandamama etc. (Then they wonder why kids are shunning these didactic works of literature for 'western inputs' like the Harry Potter series!) It suffices to say that most of our culture is not very fond of enjoyment of life as a whole. Our family ties are supposed to be built of respect and authority, which are our society's cherished values, as against love alone. May be all that lack of enjoyment leads to the over the top celebration whenever we get the chance. We do not have our festive equivalents of sitting near a hot fireplace, sipping chocolate or soup and just enjoying the moment, giving small gifts and opening them near the hearth. May be that is one need which is fulfilled by this festival alien to the indigenous culture.

Again, it might simply be all the Enid Blytons I have read in my childhood, and all the Christmas songs I have heard and enjoyed. A line or two about the songs would be necessary here. Many of them are plain worldly songs, about celebration. the religious reference in most has been kept subtle, and the tune is soothing, even in the one's that are about the Christ - 'Silent Night' playing somewhere far away on a cold winter night is just heaven. Last night, near midnight, when I stood in the cool night breeze on my balcony, with the Carpenters' rendition of the song playing from inside, I felt happy, despite all the troubles I have been having all the week. For my Christmas celebration is a thing where no evil eye can cast its glance. It is one spot of light in an otherwise dark world. So, build a nice fire - or turn on that blower. Cozy up in that blanket, with someone, if you have someone - or alone - doesn't matter. Don't forget to brew yourself some hot coffee and chocolate before cozying up. Switch on a new show of "Love Actually", or simply read a warm romance. For 'tis surely a season to be jolly!

The Flotsam of the Raj

Most people like to reminisce about the good old days. It may come naturally to the old fogies, and it is not uncommon among the 'young' too. May be, in a young country, there is this relative age, and hence normal people, who would be termed young in any normal population, are some what old with respect to the population. On the other hand, it may be this culture of ours that expects unquestioned obedience of the elderly that entices people to grey up at an accelerated pace. I am digressing - I just wanted to say that many of my classmates and colleagues review, with rose tinted devices, their school days, and their college days - especially the 'fun' they had when they were ragged (hazed, for my non existent American readers). It may not really matter that it might have been only 10 years at most since they have left school, and 8-9 years since their ragging period - they'd speak about it as if they went to school during the War. I thought I was one of the rationalists, for I remembered how insecure a school student really is. Hood may say,

"But now 'tis little joy
To know I'm farther off from heav'n
Than when I was a boy."

However, I'd like to argue with the poet. Losing the heaven on the penthouse might have been a big loss, but that's nothing compared to the joys of adulthood - being able to go and take a leak without an embarrassing 'Miss, may I go to the toilet' and not being worried to death because one has lost one's pencil or eraser. The other thing was 'ragging' - don't even get me started on that one - to those who remember it fondly, I have one word to describe you - sick perverts (wait, that's two words - but then, they are used as one, just like ‘time and tide’). That may be a harsh judgement, but then, if your idea of fun includes holding a person's wee-wee, and having someone hold yours, all the while marching in a file as 'Nagla Express', that's what you are. So, I was thinking I was so much 'in touch' with the feeling of the oppressed categories of young people that I got a shock of my life when I had to relive those feelings and those insecurities once more and I felt so uncomfortable. For no one thing in the world forces one to relive all the bad school memories clubbed with the college ragging trauma the way a particular Programme in the Service does.

Set in the sylvan outskirts of a royal city, the College does not look like a sad place to begin with. In fact, it isn't. Since it is the home for my own cadre, I have spent some really good moments here. The accommodation and the works here are top-notch, especially for some one who has been exposed to the crumbling D-wing of Jwalamukhi hostel. Our sessions are held in a real palace of the erstwhile ruling house of the city. The schedule is hectic, but contained, and after a good class session, one has almost all major sports to choose from - I personally prefer swimming. Hearty meals, and nice strolls around the campus, and one is good for bed - life's good. However, in the midst, periodically, like the floods of Damodar, come things like the Programme. Ostensibly, it is supposed to make raw young recruits into 'gentlemen and lady Officers' - by 'improving their personality' and 'giving multidimensional inputs'. I have no trouble with the latter - these might not be the best classes I have ever attended, but they are generally amongst the better ones. However, I do have serious doubts about the efficacy of, and for that matter, the intention behind a lot of meaningless pageantry we have been witness to. I shall write, at some length, on both, taking up the issue of efficacy first, and giving people the benefit of doubt with regards to intentions. After all, it has been said, "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

So, we are to become officers, and to develop (magically sprout) 'officer like qualities' in these 10 weeks. Good. So what is a good Service Officer like? Coming from a Service family, and a Service School, I have seen many Service officers. Barring one or two dandies, no one I have seen was as straitlaced as the ideal that has been set up in front of us. Even the dandies got their comeuppance - I have heared the case where a visiting principal HOD was so enraged to find a new assistant officer in suit that he fired him in front of all, and then made him run around the works for the whole day, till the time the suit met it's untimely demise! This service is field service, and for God's sake, it is not the Army - howsoever much some of our senior officers would like to believe. It does not need the glamour and pomp of the Army Cantonment life. It is good to take pride in being one of the Raj's legacies, but for heaven's sake, let's not actually try to relive the Raj (this one coming from a Raj history enthusiast). As a field service which is not the Army, the organisation needs to develop it's sartorial sense and identity accordingly - which in my opinion, includes sober T-shirts, lycra enmeshed jeans and Woodland shoes. Okay, if the guys want to live their suits and ties fantasies in here, there is a proper place for that - strictly office hours. But dinner? Come on! Are we really expected to go to the fields and the gym, sweat it out and come back and don all those formals again for supper, or one is supposed to remain in the formals till supper, and swim after that? Of the two stupidities, I've chosen the latter, and hence this piece has materialised, after a drought of more than two years. The 'lace and velvet' dinner wardrobe was developed when 'lace and velvet' was the only 'presentable' dress. The rolling wheel of time has given us many acceptable 'dinner wear' options. Let's evolve. The fashion policing has been reminding us of the days when one could get into trouble for losing the school tie or belt. My roommate was asking whether we could stroll in slippers. Really, is this what we are trying to make here - diffident wrecks and overgrown school boys? Apart from this assault on our wardrobes, many other PDP type activities look quite useless to be frank. For most of the skills that we are supposed to develop, the ship has already sailed. The mean age of the group is 28 years - these are not college kids, who can be converted, that too in 10 weeks, into Ivy League's dream students. It's clear to us - crystal clear. It would be a reasonable assumption that it is so clear to the powers that be too. That brings us to the question of intention.

Of all the things that stand out on the basis of sheer oddity, the PT is the most 'outstanding', if I may use the word in an ironic sense. The basic idea peddled here is that one has to be 'fit' in the service of the lifeline of the nation. So noble a motive, you might say. However, barring a few persons, yours truly included, most of the new batch is quite fit, and almost all, again yours truly included (at least till the fashion policing made it difficult), participate in some sort of physical activity, whenever the powers that be are benevolent enough to leave our evenings free. If this is a health and fitness thing, why doesn't the older resident population follow through, since they must be in the need of fitness much more - handling work pressure of elevated posts and battling ageing all at once. Why this insistence on shorts in cold December morning? I think the answer is that it is an exercise simply to show a person 'his place'. Looked at from this angle, it all starts falling into place. I mean, what can show a person that he is worth a piece of festering turd in a more emphatic manner than calling him in half nudity in wee hours of the morning to gyrate his hips at the command of his supposed subordinate. All the other inanities of this Programme, all the useless pageantry that we are supposed to do but others aren't, are, in sum, a big bird flipped in one's face. It's a triumphant, "Yes, We can! (make you do all this, and there isn't a goddamned thing you can do about it, coz we got the Bomb - bless Dennis Leary).” Can the reader notice the similarity between this and the other two experiences of the youth? This is the same life that school kids live - with separate standards for themselves and the grown ups. This is the way ragging in college happens - a bright young person is made to do things against his / her will despite there being no logically arguable reason behind that, except for the presence of absolute power and the need to exercise it with impunity, or may be the fact that the perpetrator was a victim once, as is true in this case too. Let me tell the readers, it wasn't pretty 10 years back, and it isn't pretty now. I hope this blog and this service survives to the day when one is able to have a say in the way the show is conducted, so that one is reminded that the old, romantic days were not so romantic, and one can make the changes that need to be made without being nostalgic. Many who know me know that I never forget any injury inflicted on me by anyone - and they attribute it to some 'hit list' I am keeping for exacting retribution in the future. While that is an interesting idea, it is not true. I just try to keep these negative experiences alive in my mind (unsuccessful, to a large extent I may be) in order to take my own decisions in their light, so that someone else’s life may not contain them. Let’s hope so, because, as Andy Dufresne said to Red in The Shawshank Redemption, “hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

LIVE FROM LIFE -THE EARTH HOUR

The lights have gone, as had been said. This is going to be the longest power cut I may have to witness in this 8 month stay at the IIT Delhi – where power cuts mean small 20 seconds flip – flops. The occasion is the celebration of the Earth Hour. A ‘voluntary’ moratorium on the use of electricity for one hour on 28th of March, 2009. Well, the voluntary nature of the drive has been lost somewhere in the translation from I.A.S. - level English to peon - level English, because I heard the mess workers saying that the lights will be shut down, per force, from the main board, for an hour – like the blackouts during an air raid. As they had said, the power has gone, and I am left with an hour with only my laptop as a companion. Luckily its batteries are not under the jurisdiction of the administration of IIT Delhi!

Well, let me make myself very clear – I am not one of those who support indiscriminate exploitation of the Earth for human greed. Yet, I am definitely against the environmentalists and their gimmicks. In fact I am against any sort of gimmick, especially if it is purportedly based on some ‘serious’ issue. I feel the gimmicks make a mockery of the issues involved. I hate the candlelight vigils and candle light vigilantes, I hate human chains, the rallyists, the pamphleteers and I hate the Earth hour. So I intend to justify my hate in the following lines.

First of all, there is the simple cost benefit analysis. How much electricity will they save – if we do turn down our electrical systems for a measly hour in this long period of unabated industrial usage? I am sure more electricity would have been used in the publicity for the event. Quite a lot of trees would have been felled for the pamphlets.

Secondly, would it be wise to suddenly unload all our power plants and power infrastructure? I am not an electrical engineer, but I have read a little bit about power generation turbines, and a sudden 8:30 unloading by the whole population might be too much too quick for the governors and other feedback controlled devices there. Again, I am not crunching the numbers (simply because governors are the toughest things in the Theory of Machines!) but seriously, it is a step that might be regretted later – for a week or two.

Thirdly, how is a power cut of an hour any sort of Earth hour celebration in India? I do not know much about the durations of power cuts, but I would guess 83 % of Indian cities would be celebrating 3 to four hours of Earth Hour every day. The provincial towns might be dedicating half the day to the celebrations, while most villages would do so for about 20 hours. In fact, there are villages in India which have been celebrating Earth since the start of their existence – where people live and die celebrating an Earth lifetime! So, I am really amused when the green-wallahs direct us to celebrate Earth Hour – aren’t you?


[ As I finish typing this, the power returned – not the full hour! May be it was not even about the Earth Hour, but the violent thunderstorm that is raging outside. Still, it felt good writing it, so I am going to post it.]

LIVE FROM LIFE - THE LAWS OF THE LAND

Recently, a discussion on Orkut's IC 370 (India) community touched the topic of corruption in civil administration and police. This made me think a lot on an important point that I have been thinking about for long, but in another case. The point is that we have lot of inconsequential laws and rules. Laws which were useless to begin with and laws which have been rendered useless by the passage of time. Laws that place undue restrictions on people, and give the enforcers the leeway to extract bribes. I will try to keep it short. Let us begin with why do we need rules in this world, when it is assumed that all men are born free (and so are the women, I am no sexist). Of course there are people called anarchists, who believe the best law is no law. Everybody is free to do what they may like. Utopia - did you say? Wait a little - what would happen if some lunatic took to the idea that he would 'like' to run a dagger through your guts? Or for that matter, what if he would like to run his Hummer over you, for fun? We need laws - just to avoid people hurting others while exercising there freedom. As has been said - your freedom to swing your arms ends where the other person's nose begins. This can be extrapolated to past and future as well - that is why we need laws protecting monuments (some one's creation, which the builder might have expected the law to protect) and environment (the green laws are simply lines drawn to help us avoid hurting our future generations - Mother Earth needs no saving, she has already survived 4.5 billion years without our help).

Does that summarize all the laws we need in this world? I think so - laws a re simply the rules so that we do not step on each other's toes as we dance the dance of life. Yet, we have many laws, useless laws, if you would call them that, or at least inconsequential laws - that do not serve the purpose laws are supposed to. There are laws that shackle personal freedom, in domains in which nobody else is involved, or if somebody is involved, it is with consent. Laws that ban alcohol and drugs, laws that decide in the way two consenting adults can form relationship, laws that simply increase the paperwork involved, laws whose enforcement is more costly than their end. Another new set of laws that I think can join this list is the slew of laws against hurting sentiments. Laws that police personal choices are the most ridiculuous, if they still exist. I am no alcoholic, but for the point of argument, let's say I was one. So, what right does the state have to deny me my 'legal' bottle? Or if I were a junkie, why can't I get crack legally. Why does the state decide which forms of relationship are permissible? Curbing these acts does not solve any real problem - but they do increase the work of the police force, and give them the opportunity to take bribes - want to know how? Let's see. Does the common man on the street care if the junkie next door gets his fix or not. (And here I am simply talking about the transaction of the junkie getting his drugs, and we are not discussing the supply chain behind it) No, I don't, and unless you are the moral police type, I'm sure you would not bother. It's the junkie's life - let him 'use' it the way he wants - you got your own life to control. And the policeman knows that - if drugs get to the junkie, the society will not come to an abrupt end. However, the law says it is wrong. Hence, the policeman can take his bribe in lieu of allowing the junkie get his fix. No problem was there to fix, so none got fixed, and money changed hands. However, the law has created the problem in itself. By outlawing the simple junkie getting his fix legally, the law has made the supply chain pass into the black market. The prices shoot. As any economics student worth his salt will tell you - ideally, the price of anything should be equally to the cost of making and delivering it. However, in this black market scenario, the prices are way above the cost. So what happens to the surplus? It gets channeled into guns (illegal ones), and other really dangerous pursuits. It bankrolls the whole underworld - for God's sake - this law has not done an iota of good, but its adverse effects are too many to jot down. Did I mention that the explosive used for the 1993 Mumbai blasts used the same supply chain? The police personnel involved took bribes and winked the other way as the deadly cargo was unloaded, thinking it was some junkie's fix. Think clearly - would they have taken the bribe and looked the other way, had they known this was explosive, and had they been guided by a law to prevent explosives landing on the beach? I do not think so - they would have known that explosives can cause mayhem, unlike drugs, and would have taken due care - they would not have let explosives pass for a few bucks, as explosives are not inconsequential. Again they would not have to deal with decoy drug landing boats, because drugs are in the market - not on the beach. So, we can see how the laws can aid far more heinous crimes than the ones they set out to prevent from happening.

Another problem with the useless laws - laws which are not enforced because imposition is more costly than their violation - is that they give the corrupt officials free hand to victimize those who do not do their biding. Who is a law abiding person? A person who does not break the laws which are clear. Yet, many of us may break laws whose existence was unknown to us - much less their raison d'etre. Can I give an example? Yes, I can. Considering this case is still 'hot', I cannot take the names for the obvious reasons - to avoid rubbing these useless laws the wrong way. Recently, one of the political party's filed slander case against a net user, who had caused some 'uncharitable remarks' about the party to be aired on the net. The 'law' did nothing to prevent the same party and its siblings from unleashing mass terror on a great city on the slightest pretext, but the game is over for the poor blogger. Should I say more??